Its about time!

Last weekend an American friend (lets call her L) and her husband visited us for dinner. They were supposed to be at our place at 6.30 p.m. Around 6.20 the phone rang. L was on the line.
L: Hi Naina, guess what, we are running late!
Me: (Happy that it would give me a few extra minutes to get things in order) That’s not a problem at all. Take your time. (Really, I mean it) BTW where are you guys?
L: We just took the exit off the highway.
Me: (realizing that I needed to hurry up cos they weren’t that far) Oh then you should be here in 15 minutes. That’s hardly late. See ya soon.

And soon it was! For they showed up at 6.30 sharp.
My brother who’s not yet completely acclimated to the ways of Americans had never seen people being so punctual in a private setting. He was amused by the fact that they called to apologize because they thought they would be 5 minutes late. I assure you this never happens with Indians (also known as desis).

If you are a desi attending a desi gathering you don’t apologize for being late, you apologize if you show up on time. This is how it works… if you are the host and you want people (especially desis) to show up at 7.00 p.m., you tell them that the party starts at 6.00 p.m. You can rest assured that no one (and I mean NO ONE) will show up before 7.00. If you are the guest and have received an invitation for 6.00 p.m., NEVER, I repeat NEVER show up at 6.00pm. The host is not expecting anyone before 7.00 p.m. If you reach ‘early’ the host will still be in the middle of preparations and will not know what to do with you.

My husband learnt this the hard way. He would always insist on reaching an event dot on the given time. A lot of times we would show up at someone’s place on time and they would still be putting the final touches to the food/décor and not yet be dressed for the party. One could see them struggle to hide the ‘what the heck are they doing so early?’ look on their face. They’d tell us to make ourselves comfortable while they showered or did whatever else. So we’d end up looking at our watches, watching every minute pass by and praying for someone else to show up. Please God someone…..even that loud-mouthed gossip monger will do!
This one time, we reached someone’s place on the given time. No one else had showed up and the hostess has just started preparing appetizers. For want of better things to do, I offered to help (what was I thinking?). The next thing I know, she dumped the entire task on me while she went upstairs and showered and got ready. By the time people arrived, she looked all clean and fresh while I was greasy from the sweat and the cooking oil. That did it! From that time onwards, I refused to go to any desi events on time.

Now we always reach fashionably late.
Just a couple of weekends ago, we were on our way to a party, late as usual, when we got a frantic call from a friend who had already reached the destination.
Friend: Where are you guys?
Us: We are on our way.
Friend: How far are you? Can you hurry up? I’m already here and there’s no one else here! I don’t know what to do here.

Hmm…looks like some people still haven’t learnt the workings of Indian Stretchable time. It’s about time they did.

Tagged to describe my dreams

I have been tagged by Swati to list some weird or recurring dreams I’ve had. Now I don’t remember most of them even though I know I’ve had quite a few weird ones. But here are a few weird themes (for a lack of a better word) that I see appearing quite a few times:

Exam time: I’m in college and I have some examination, I either forget about it and miss the exam or I go extremely late or I reach on time but cannot remember a word. Just yesterday I dreamt that I had exams next week and that I was supposed to study for 5 subjects but I dint even have books for two of those and had no idea what those two subjects were. What can I say, exams have always been my worst nightmare irrespective of the results!

Family Trip/Fun: We are enjoying as a family either at some beautiful vacation place or partying at home. Except the family only consists of my parents and siblings. Hubby is never in the picture even though we’ve been married almost 10 years now. Hubby would have called it ‘wishful thinking’ but I don’t see Apple either and he wouldn’t dare to joke about that!

Losing a loved one: This is the one that terrifies me the most… loss of some family member. It’s not the same family member all the time. But then I’ve heard a superstition that if you dream about someone’s death, they end up having a long life. I’m not someone who believes in superstition but somehow I hope this one is true.

I tag fuzzy, Cee Kay, n~m , ss, Sur and Kiran to list their dreams. Please ignore if you’ve already done this tag.

Lady Like Behaviour

A coworker of mine found this book on ‘Etiquette’ that belonged to her great great grandmother. She brought it in because she thought some of us would find it interesting. The book is from the 1800s (exact publishing date not known). Its called ‘True Politeness’ – Handbook of Etiquette for Ladies. Its signed ‘By and American Lady’. Apparently it was impolite for a lady to reveal her name as an author.
Ladies, here are some gems of wisdom (from the book) that I thought you might get a kick out of:


 A lady ought not to present herself alone in a library or museum, unless she goes there to study or work as an artist.

 The superior in rank and station should first salute the inferior. Therefore if you meet a gentleman in the street with whom you are acquainted, recollect that it is your province to recognize him before he presumes to salute you.

 Double entendre is detestable in a woman, especially when perpetrated in the presence of men; no man of taste can respect a woman who is guilty of it: though it may create a laugh, it will inevitably excite also disgust in the minds of all whose good opinions are worth acquiring. Therefore not only avoid all indelicate expressions, but appear not to understand any that may be uttered in your presence.

 Never go early to a public ball; and do not be frequently seen at such. When you do attend, do not dance from the time you enter the room until you leave; it may leave the impression that you have few opportunities of dancing except at such balls.

 Ladies should not leave the table before the end of the entertainment, unless from urgent necessity. If it is a married lady, she requests someone to accompany her; if unmarried, she goes with her mother.


Some of the etiquette tips are relevant even today and I wish people (both ladies and gentlemen) would follow:

 Endeavor always to present an article which the recipient has not. This in many cases may be difficult; but where it is possible it should always be done.

 Never give away a present which you received from another; or at least so arrange it that it may never be known.
(Everyone passing on season inappropriate clothes and /or age inappropriate toys to Apple, take notice!)

 As persons are necessarily introduced at a dinner party, only such persons as are known to each other, or who mutually desire to be acquainted should be invited except under certain circumstances.
(If only I had a dollar for every party that I attended where there’s always a bunch of people I don’t know , the host does not care to introduce them and they proceed to converse in a language that I don’t understand, I’d have enough money to stop recycling presents)


And last but not the least…the universal and most relevant one for all times…
The most obvious mark of good breeding and good taste is a sensitive regard for the feelings of others.

Now with a sensitive regard to the feelings of irritation that you may acquire on reading some of these, I will not subject you to any more gems of wisdom. How about coming up with Etiquette for gentlemen (if such a thing exists)?

Honey we broke the baby.......again!

The last few weeks have been absolutely crazy on all fronts. Work wise, a colleague got laid off so the rest of us are under a lot of pressure to do more than our share. Then there was a friend’s 40th birthday party (yes some of us are old! I’m years away though) for which I was writing and directing a skit to make fun of him. That and many other things conspired to keep me away from blogland. But the most worrisome event was when Apple complained about stomachache.
One (not so) fine Friday morning I got a call from her day care operator saying she was complaining of tummy ache. Hubby had just dropped her off and she seemed totally fine, so I was a little suspicious. I wondered if this was one of the days when they were short staffed and used every little excuse to send kids home. Apple dint have any other symptoms but I dint have the heart to leave her there in case she was really hurting. So I made an appointment with her doctor, left work and picked her up. The doctor checked her and did not find anything wrong, said it might have been something she has eaten and told me to give her Tylenol if she complains again. With that we returned home, mommy and Apple! With Tylenol in her tummy, Apple had forgotten all about pain and was all set to order mommy around. The day passed without incident and Apple continued to be her normal cheerful self until next evening. We were at a friend’s place when she started complaining about tummyache again. Since it was a weekend evening, we rushed her to the emergency room. After a couple of tests, X-rays and all the works, the diagnosis came in….’Constipation’!. Are you kidding me? She had had a couple of bowel movements on both the days so I was having tough time buying that diagnosis but the doctor gave us a ‘thanks for wasting my time” look. What was he so mad about ? That he had people in the next room with lung clots and heart problems and these idiots were wasting his time for a child’s constipation? Oh ok! Yes we can be stupid sometimes (ok, most of the times) but how were we supposed to know if our baby’s condition required immediate attention or not? When my happy two-year-old cries uncontrollably, it sounds serious to me. What if she had an ulcer or appendicitis?
Anyway we were back home and she slept peacefully because of the painkiller.
Next morning we started to give her foods /drinks to help her with her so called constipation. We started with prune juice. Now the last time we gave her prune juice for her constipation it had resulted in a disaster:
She was around one, still on formula bottle and was constipated one day. I remembered someone telling me that prune juice worked, so I filled her bottle with prune juice instead of formula. The poor thing liked the sweet taste and drank it all up. The next thing we know she has diarrhea! Oh ok…so prune juice really works …BIG TIME …so less prune juice next time! Nice trail and error parenting we got going there!
Coming back to this time, we were careful to give her little prune juice, that dint help, tried grape juice, dint help either! By evening she had started crying again …my impatient hubby decided to give her a laxative… an hour later she was still crying, tried pain killers etc …crying continued…finally at 11.00 PM we decided to give her rectal anema. That dint work either but tired from crying she finally slept. Around 4.00 am she woke up crying again and the next think we know….all the laxatives suddenly hit! We managed to break our poor child again! The next couple of hours she slept peacefully, having cleared up her tummy, while we ended up steam vacuuming the carpet, washing the sheets, clothes …oh the joys of parenthood!

I am happy to report that all is well in Apple land though Apple was seen asking God to impart more common sense to her parents so that they stop these trail and error tactics on her.